Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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