i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
