Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
