That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
