Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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