he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
