Kareoke will never be a sober sport
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
