I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
