If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
