did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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