I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
