I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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