saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
sarcasm needs its own font
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Randomize
