All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
At least make sure they are 18
Why
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
