you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
