I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
