My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
