so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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