i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Randomize
