My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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