You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
