I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
