I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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