you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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