Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
