I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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