i'm signing you up for texting rehab
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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