I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
