My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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