Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Randomize
