there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
