R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
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