Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
