just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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