My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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