I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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