why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Randomize
