i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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