i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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