Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
