Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
