At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
