i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
