But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
