I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
