I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
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