Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Randomize
