that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
