I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
