if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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