I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
And then my night got REAL pukey
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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