I think im going to throw up on grandma
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
