I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
this will be a night to untag.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
