Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
