Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
