would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
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