There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize