Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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