I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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