WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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