I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
