I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
