Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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