why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
