And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
of course. lets lasso hookers.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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