I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
she smelled like a LAN party
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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