I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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