we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
