i don't plan on having that self control this summer
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
