Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
