there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
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