I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
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