he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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