i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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