Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
