She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
