I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I just want to make out with him forever
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
