ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
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