Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize