Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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