all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
