Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
