I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
