just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
