the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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