somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
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