I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
