I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
