I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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