Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize