is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Randomize
