my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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