3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
3pm strippers are depressing
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Randomize
