I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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