Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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