i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
