If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Randomize
