Having a random hookup so left but love u
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Randomize
