before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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