they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
